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number 3

Food, Folks, and Superior Firepower:
McDonald’s, Oak Park

by David Hammond

McDonald’s has been around for a little while, so some of you may already have had a chance to sample their fare. They specialize in hamburgers, but have a fairly sizeable menu.

Tell you the truth, I’ve been a little stressed between Hans Blix saying the Iraqis have had a change of heart and things are looking up, and W saying “not possible, too late, can we go to war yet?” So, I needed a break, and McDonald’s was... there.

For starters, I took the plunge and went with the French fries, which were perfect for the day, given that their country of origin is so much in the news because of their solid opposition to a simple-minded war. I really do like these fries, though I liked them more when they were done in beef tallow. Today, these straight potato strips were golden brown, kind of like Tony Blair’s nose.

I had their signature dish, the Big Mac, and it was really very good. This dish was composed of two hamburger patties nestled together with a sauce so secret, it’s even more mysterious and unknown than the photographs and documents that no one has ever seen but that (we’re told) will certainly prove definitively that Iraq has been naughty and that everyone in the country should die as soon as possible.

For dessert, I had a remarkable invention: a pie slice with no open sides, totally closed off, reminiscent of the minds of our country’s leadership, and, like them, slippery and suspicious, unimaginative and hard.

McDonald’s was really pretty okay. I would recommend this “chain” to anyone who likes to get things over quickly, without thinking a whole lot and while staying militantly unconscious of consequences. When it’s all over, though, you may just get some cheap gas.

111 West Madison St.
Oak Park, 60302-4205

Flip the golden arches upside-down. What letter of the alphabet does that make? Coincidence? I think not.


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