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We Are So in Love it is Ridiculous!
by JC DeVore and Amy Rhodes
We are so in love. Sometimes we’re on the subway, or walking down the street, minding our own business and we notice people just looking at us. We know why they are staring. We know they are thinking, “Look at that put-together, virile couple. They must be in love.” And you know what? They are right! We are totally and completely in love. So, after eight years together (Yes, jealous, lovelorn readers, you read that correctly! Eight!) we’ve decided to share some tips on how to make a relationship last.
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HE SEZ! Make a point to bring up the possibility of marriage once every four months; and when you do, make her feel as if “the question” is always on the horizon. Learn the names and stats of the cast on Las Vegas Real World. Never respond directly to her complaint that you don’t spend enough time with her. Instead, counter-complain that since she refuses to wash her dishes, there are never any clean forks around when you need them. Live together in New York. You won’t be able to break up, because you don’t want to live with a stranger and you can’t afford a studio. Use your dad’s alcoholism as an excuse for bad behavior. NEVER argue over money. Just know in your heart, you spend more on expenses than she does. No, you don’t spend more money than me. Uh, you don’t. But, anyway, the most important thing to making a relationship work is to pick someone you really, really love. I hate you. | SHE SEZ! Make a point of bringing up the possibility of sex once every four months; and when you do, make him feel as if “a three-way” is always on the horizon.
Learn the names and stats of players on the Los Angles Lakers. If he ignores you when you complain that you don’t spend enough time together, silently protest by leaving dirty forks in a cup full of soapy, tepid water in the sink. Live together in New York. You won’t be able to break up, because you don’t want to live with a stranger and you can’t afford a studio. Use your PMS, your period, and post-period trauma as an excuse for bad behavior. NEVER argue over money. Just know in your heart, you spend more on expenses than he does Yes, actually, I do. Oh! That is so sweet! I agree. Also, make sure you are okay with picking someone who will always spend less money than you do. I love you, too. |
J.C. DeVore and Amy Rhodes are actors who live in Brooklyn with their cat, Trout. They are both youngest children.
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