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The Green M&M Ad Effectiveness Quiz

By Kimmy Gatewood

As you may have noticed, the green M&M ads have stormed the country to rave reviews. The sexy Green lady M&M has been called a “home run” by girls and boys of all ages.

Clearly, M&M/Mars is not afraid to admit sex sells. As a representative of the S&M Stars Corporation (no affiliation with M&M/Mars), I was hired to conduct a non-biased, non-denominational, non-racial survey for the good Christian people at M&M/Mars. As valuable consumers, your answers will help evaluate how the campaign is doing.

Please take a few minutes to complete this survey and help the M&M/Mars Corporation serve you better and make a better world!

1. When I think about the Green M&M it makes me:
a. happy
b. angry
c. think I might want to masturbate

2. When I buy M&Ms I:
a. nibble them
b. give them to my kids
c. line them up on my bed
and masturbate

3. When I eat M&Ms before bed I:
a. wake up feeling great
b. wake up feeling guilty
c. wear out the batteries on
my vibrator from masturbating

4. Which magazine best represents your relationship with the Green M&M?
a. Time Out
b. Fitness Magazine
c. I Want to Masturbate to Candy: the Magazine

5. Which book best represents your relationship with the Green M&M?
a. The Bible
b. Something Wicked This Way Comes
c. I Want to Masturbate to Candy: The Book

6. Which song best represents your relationship with the Green M&M?
a. “Pour Some Sugar on Me”
b. “I Hate Everything About You”
c. “Put It In Your Mouth (for Jesus!)”

7. Hypothetically speaking (this final question is purely hypothetical), would you ever consider doing a pornographic film with the Green M&M?
a. no
b. maybe
c. yes.

If you answered “C” to any of these questions,
please contact us ASAP at:

Buy M&Ms!
Thank you for your time!

Kimmy Gatewood is a comic, improviser, and actress in New York City. She is currently on the national touring company of Chicago City Limits and was recently seen in Comedy Central's Porn 'n' Chicken.

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